Season of Silence

Back in May/June my sweet friend Alison sent me various podcasts to encourage me through the tough time of adjusting to life in Guatemala.  I listened too many of them but I didn't have time for them all.  Today I was going through some e-mails and found one that I had not listened to. It was from a guy named Dan Lian who is a preacher in Australia and was visiting Alison and Daniel’s church. First of all it was a GREAT message; second of all it was exactly what I needed to hear for right now in my life.  I'm sure if would have been great back in June as well, but it spoke more clearly to me now on the other side of the season I was in at the time.

He starts off telling the story of when Jesus and the disciples were in the boat and that storm struck, and all of the disciples were freaking out and wondering why Jesus was sleeping and not doing something.  If you are unfamiliar with this story it comes from Mark chapter 4 starting about verse 35.  My favorite thing that Jesus says is in verse 40. "Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?"
WO! This struck me big time! If you recall earlier posts, I almost went home the second day of being in Guatemala, then the third, fourth, fifth, and so on for the first month or so.  God was teaching me FAITH, I was scared every day, and so convinced that I had "misheard" what God wanted in my life. Keeping in mind that for the past 4 years all I wanted to do was move here and work at a Children’s Home.  I was living in fear and not in faith.

How does this apply to my life now? I have only 7 weeks left in Guatemala, and have no idea what is next. I feel as though I haven't heard anything from the Lord as to what’s next, that I have been living in this season of silence.  I have about 9384398 options and not the slightest clue in what direction to go.  I find myself dwelling on what’s next instead of what’s here. I’m fearful of the sadness that will come when I have to say goodbye to all of these precious faces that I have fallen so deeply in love with. There is the fear of not having money, and the fear of just not knowing which way to go.  HELLO! Have I learned nothing the past 6 months?! God has a plan!!  Anyway in the podcast Dan went on to say that in the story with Jesus, the disciples, and the boat, the whole time JESUS WAS IN THE BOAT. They could see him physically there, did they think he wasn’t going to do something? He’s in my boat He is in yours. Do we think he isn’t doing anything, just because it may be a season of silence, where we don’t see what He is doing in our lives?  He is here with you and me through EVERYTHING.  Where to go from here? It doesn't matter, Jesus is in my boat.  And even more so than that, God has been, is, and always will be in control.  We can't mess up on where to go because He is guiding, and He is not going to let go of us, ever. I don't know about you but there is such a peace and confidence that you gain from having FAITH, in his word that says "I will never leave you, nor forsake you".  Would I love to know what’s to come, ABSOLUTELY, would it mess up what God has for me now if I knew, ABSOLUTELY.  So once again I’m reminded how small my faith is and how big my God is.  Dan closes with this quote and I hope it helps you through whatever season you’re going through”
 "By His grace, for His glory, and for your good, and in His time, He will act.  In the mean time know He's doing something good anyway."



In other news, this past weekend all of the houseparent’s went on a retreat.  Great for them, sleepless for us! haha. 5 month old Marvin and I had a sleepover, it only took me one night of waking up almost hourly to realize that 1. I don't want babies; I want to start off with potty trained toddlers, and 2. I definitely could not do it alone! Night two I pulled in Shelly so we could switch off every time he cried; turns out you still don't sleep.  So now it’s back to my original plan of just starting off with toddlers. ;)  All in all it was such a fun weekend, and I was so grateful for the opportunity to help out even more.  Here are some of my favorite photos from the weekend:

Giving 3 year old Alejandro a bath, he LOVES them.

This was at about 3am when Marvin wouldn't sleep; I realized he just needed a face mask. I mean I can't sleep without one either buddy.

No Houseparent's? WATER FIGGGGHT.



Trusting

I could never really explain in words why I chose to be here for 6 months.  Other than I didn't, God did.  Each day it becomes more and more clear as to why He said that.  Many people tried to tell me that 6 months was too long, that I should just do the 3 months my school required and come home.  I believed it myself at times and almost took the shorter route. This has become "home".  Yes I miss familiar sounds, voices, and faces but life here is magical and wonderful.  I am exactly where I need to be.  If I had listened to those voices, I would be on a plane home right now instead of enjoying the sounds of children playing outside as I tell their stories.  I know I don't update much, but its because I "work" about 15 hours a day 6 (lately 7 days) a week.  It's not work, its pouring into the lives of these kids here as they pour back into mind.  I have relationships with these kids that I never thought possible, and I love them even more.  So as hard as it is to think of heading home in 8 weeks, its completely unimaginable to have to go home now.

But I might have to.  I still need $800 to stay.  Some pledges have fallen through because of the economy, and other reasons.  This internship has taught me more than I can put into words, but more importantly it has shown me a glimpse into my future.  I want more than anything to come back here and live.  I want to be a full time missionary, but I'm scared. I'm scared that I haven't even been able to raise the final $800 of the original $4,400, so how am I going to raise $20,000?  I know our God is big and he provides, but so many people say that and don't believe it themselves.  I believe it.  Jesus tells us directly in Mark 16:15 He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. So many read that and think yes thats true, for some but not for me. No its true for us all, and though some "can't" go, they can send.  I am so thankful for those of you who have supported me through prayer and finances.  I am here to ask you if their is something you can give up, so that I can stay and continue ministry here.  Not only now but quite possibly in the future.  I have no idea how that looks yet, but I know that my heart strings are being pulled in a way I have never experienced. 



If you can financially support me to stay, please send an e-mail to me at  rcowart4@georgiasouthern.edu


In other news, this past monday we had a total of 8 earthquakes in 13 hours. We were in McDonalds for the largest one (5.9), what an adventure that was! My nutrition teacher always said McDonalds could kill you. :)

Last week we had a small group here and they helped me with activities such as cookouts for the older boys, movie night for the older girls, and a movie/game day with the younger boys and girls.  Here are some photo's from our great times!!!

This is Josue, I tutor him in the afternoons. I have some great stories with that one :)

My two roomates (L) Dalila (R) Gladys.  We had a chicken night!

Sammy learning to make hamburgers at our cookout!

Just a typical Sunday bus ride to church. Always an adventure!

Some of our little ones having a movie and snack day!

This week the Wheelers (they are the directors of the home) came back!!! So glad, they have a awesome but tiring job!



I love and miss you all so much! Thanks for reading =)

I am so bad at keeping up with posts!!! Life has been really busy at the Children's home. We are short all of our missionaries ha ha.  It has been so wonderful though.  I feel as though I am really finding my spot here, and getting to know all of the kids well.  Every day I am so excited to see them, and I am truly thankful for that.

An update on our two little boys who's Uncle fought for in court. THEY ARE DOING GREAT!! Turns out the uncle built a house and bought land all in their name, and is sending the oldest to school and they are in a good family enviroment.  We even got to see them at church.  This is such a praise and blessing.  Especially after this weekend.

We have had a couple of emotionally draining weekends.  For the protection of our kids and ourselves I am unable to write about them.  Some of you may know and if you don't feel free to e-mail me for a prayer list! Just know a lot of our kids have a lot of emotional turmoil going on right now and desperately need prayers, for healing, and hope that with God they have a future. 

This past weekend we had a speaker named Rob Mitchell come speak to our home.  He is an author of a book about his life in an orphanage in the United States.  He wrote about how it was a good home to live in, but that no matter how poor he would of been he always wanted to go home.  Yesterday he asked our kids how many just want to go home despite their circumstances, majority raised their hands.  It was so tough to know that as happy and safe and provided for as our kids are, they still long for that mom&dad family.  I think it sparked a lot inside of them. I am so greatful that he was able to come, he was so encouraging to us as staff as well.  GO READ HIS BOOK!!! Cast Away Kid.

Here are some pictures of the past month!!!

 Alejandro playing outside =) He is so fun!

 Look at my fabulous view from my apartment ;)

 Anna was an intern last year, she came for a visit and we rode ina took took (motorcycle with a carraige) talk about scary...

 Here is recent photo of Marvin!!! He is growing FAST!!!

 We have had 2 birthdays this week above is Jenifer (19) and below Chiky (18)

 Taking advantage of the rain free days we have been having :) woo hoo!!

 I promised all of the kids "vaca negra's" (coke floats) if they finished their Christmas cards in 2 weeks. 35 out of 46 did it!!! Such a fun night!

Sheila and I enjoying the beautiful sun!

Those are a few photos from activities we have been having! I will update more this week (I hope!) Meanwhile if you could pray for safety with the upcoming elections this week, sometimes things get a little crazy.  For continued health and safety at our home with the other missionaries away. And last but not least that the Lord will provide the final $800.00 needed for me to stay.

I love and miss you all!!! E-mail me if you have any prayer requests or just want to talk :)

rcowart4@georgiasouthern.edu

Hey friends! Sorry for the delayed update, it has been a busy time. On Friday I wrapped up language school and moved back to the Children’s Home in Villa Nueva and it feels so good to be here. I feel like I am right where I need to be. I came back Friday afternoon after class.  There was a team here already so I jumped in with them and started to get to know the kids and try to remember all 5o+ names =).  It was a great weekend and Monday started off my first “real day”.

In the morning I met with a lady named Sylvia she is on staff full time here and is a Guatemalan social worker.  In the mornings I am going to be helping her.  Yesterday was just an introduction type day but she said she was thankful for extra hands because the past weekend she had been working all day and night trying to make sure she had the perfect argument as to why two of our boys Kevin and Melvin needed to stay at the home.  To give a little background Kevin is 5 and Melvin just turned 3. Kevin’s mom was born to a 16 yr old girl and shortly after Melvin was born their mom abandoned them with their grandma. She was already caring for other grandchildren and could not handle 2 more. She then brought them to our home. That was almost 2 years ago. Kevin has always been fearful of being separated from his brother Melvin and with no family members asking for them or anything, they were told that they were home and that wouldn’t happen. Kevin is very protective of Melvin and such a sweet brother with a big smile and heart to match.  Joy taught 3 yr old Marvin how to say I love you in English and it melts your heart when he tells you.  Anyway I asked if going to the judge today meant there was a chance they would not come back, and was told that there is always a chance but no one ever knows.  I got the impression that it could happen but probably not.

So I went on with the day. Mondays will be spent grocery shopping for the whole home (that is a lot of food!). It was a good time and I got to know Staci and Joy better and get to see more of Villa Nueva and Guatemala City.  When we got back to the home we found out that in fact the judge decided to send Kevin and Melvin to live with an uncle who happened to show up to the hearing and did not even ask for them.  The boys did not even have a chance to come get their things and say goodbye, they had to leave right after the hearing with their uncle. I later found out that Guatemala is trying to shutdown all Children’s Homes.  So no matter how poor or abusive a family member might be, if there is a living one, than chances are the judge will rule in favor of the kids moving in with the family member.  Honduras has apparently shut down all children’s homes within 24 hours forcing them to move in with whatever situation they were pulled out of.  It is so infuriating, how about the government spend more time tracking down the 98% criminals of murder who go without a conviction and less time taking away children from a place that they are not only happy in but thriving. 

Betty the boy’s house mom and Sylvia need special prayer as well as all the other kids and staff members.  3 more of our kids go to a judge today as well.  I’m believing that our God is big enough to keep his hand in all these situations and protect them.   Today we were also told that we will not be able to appeal to get the boys back. Please pray that they are safe and have this overwhelming peace in their hearts that can only come from God.  I’m praying fervently for their return, and for all the other kids to remain here.  Please join us all in this prayer.

“Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless.” Isaiah 1:17

I have some pictures from language school of my teacher and family and more updates but for now I just beg that you all take a second and pray specifically for Kevin and Melvin.  Thank you.

Love You all.

 Above is Melvin and his and Kevins house mom Betty.

This is precious Kevin.

Update =)

I hate that it has been so long since my last update! I lost my computer cord and just got a new one. My first transaction in spanish by myself. It's the right one and works so I guess I did a good job! =)
Life has been really good! Last weekend I climbed a volcano called Pacaya and it was absolutely gorgeous!!! Pictures do not do it justice. Never in my life would I have thought I would enjoy getting up at 5am to go on a 4 hour hike. BUT I LOVED IT

On to more important things. Last wednesday I got to spend time with Miguel and Oscar. I met Miguel's sister Ladi. They are so sweet.  It turns out that they do have a mom, she just can't afford to look after them so they sleep at the home at night and go to school during the day and find jobs to do during the afternoon.  They are so sweet, please keep them in your prayers and that doors would open for the mom to find a job and be able to take care of her children. Miguel has 3 other siblings besides Ladi.
This is a picture of Miguel and the origami swan he made me at school! I looooove it.

 This is a photo with Oscar far left, Miguel, and then Ladi is on my right. Do they not have the sweetest smiles! One of the most fun nights I have had so far.

So next week is my last week at language school, and then I head back to the childrens home! I am really excited to get back and start to get to know everyone and build relationships with everyone.  There is a brand new 7 week baby that just moved to the home, and cannot wait to watch him! Please pray for the transition to the home and the start of building relathionships and getting into the swing of life there. And that my spanish will hold up with them and improve. Yikes!


Thank you for all of your continued prayers =) Love and miss each of you!

Matthew 11

I am so thankful for all of the responses that I received from my  last post. Because of you, I have been able to clearly see what God has for me and this time here in Guatemala.  I AM STAYING!!! I made the decision Thursday after receiving e-mails pledging about $900.00 in a 24 hour period. If thats not God screaming STAY PUT, then I don't know what is.  I still need about $600 more, but I know it will come and that God has me here so I don't need to worry about it. THANK YOU. Thank you for giving, for praying, encouraging, and helping me see God.  I have never experienced a journey like this, and to think its only the start of week 4 of this 6 month journey.

This past week on wednesday I got to take part in a program feeding a lot of the homeless in the area.  I made friends with these two boys Miguel and Oscar. They are both 14. They live in an Albergue, which I later found out has a different meaning than the ones in Mexico that I have been to. Here they only go there to sleep at night, no food, no support, no love. I found out the hardway. Me and my limited Spanish asked Miguel why he was at the gathering instead of at home at the Albergue, he told in these exact translated words "Because I don't have a family".  I assumed the Albergue was like in Mexico and provided a family and everything. He then told me how different it was here.  I thankfully held in the tears and heartbreak to finish our conversation. I want to adopt him as my little brother, he was so king and grateful. I cannot wait to see him next week, please pray that God will show me what to say to him and what to do FOR him.  He says he goes to school, but Im not sure how because that costs money.  I have found that a lot of kids here tell you they go to school and that they have an exam tomorrow when you ask.  Please pray specifically for Miguel and Oscar, they are really heavy on my heart.  All of the kids are but they are but these two I know and can maybe somehow help?! Like MOM AND DAD ADOPT THEM. ha ha

Yesterday I was on skype (with me ma actually) and I experienced my first earthquake. No damage, wasn't a big one but definately big enough to be a very unsettling feeling. It's rainy season meaning it literally rains every day, usually just for a bit in the afternoon, but if it starts early it stays into the night. That happened yesterday so my saturday was spent at a coffee shop chatting, experiencing the ground shaking, then a long nap =) Jay my roomate and I came back later and went to a movie and there was HALI!!! My first friend
is back!!! She definately brightened my day =)

I've been trying to skype/call my dad for fathers day and its not really working and has somewhat put me in a bad mood. I JUST WANT TO TALK TO MY MOM AND DAD! But then I remember I not only have parents but the best ones in the world. So I am such a lucky girl, and bad mood GONE! 
HAPPY FATHERS DAY DAD!!! LOVE YOU!

Thats all for now! Im in language school for 3 more weeks so not a lot to update on. Hopefully climbing a volcano named Pacaya this coming weekend! That should make for some good stories

LOVE YALL!

"Well I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see
because this broken road, prepares your will for me"

A picture from our trip to Panajachel. Great weekend!

Decisions

I am having a wonderful time in Guatemala.  I am enjoying every minute of getting to know my family here, the culture, language, and time with new friends.  It is so refreshing to know that I am exactly where I need to be.  I feel like my whole life I have thought well as soon as I get to this point I will be happy, like in middle school,  I knew high school would be the best, and then College, and then my time here in Guatemala.  They have all been wonderful experiences, but looking back I feel as though I spent more time preparing and getting excited about what’s to come instead of enjoying what’s there.

So for now, I am completely enjoying what’s right here for me now.  BUT, (there’s always a but!) in order to fulfill my 6 months in Guatemala, I still need about $1,900.00 more in order to stay.  I need this money in or pledged by THIS THURSDAY.  Otherwise this will be my last week of language school and I will come back to the states in September instead of November.

If 5 people pledge $76.00 a month for 5 months that is the amount I need!!!   I have come to terms with the possibility that I may be coming back in September if the funds do not come in, but I want it to be completely God’s decision, and at the end of the day I want to be able to know that I did what he asked of me to do and that what happens is all him and none of me.  So I am asking you to please think about being one of those 5, or giving what you can. 

I have become overwhelmed here by the love and offerings that people have poured out who have absolutely nothing, I really mean nothing.  This weekend I went to Lake Panajachel and during that time I saw a Maya ceremony.  People were offering everything to these gods that they were praying to.  Candles, flowers, anything that they could find they would offer. I thought to myself that as much as I am here to “help” there is so much I have to learn about giving freely and not being so bounded by stuff.   I wanted to go practice my Spanish with the partakers in the ceremony and tell them that there is this one God who loves you so much that he doesn’t require a sacrifice of you in order for him to hear your prayer.  I just prayed that He would show me what  to do with every second of my life while I am here (and always), I’m not just here to work at a children’s home or learn Spanish, everyday He has a mission for me.  I learned a lot from the Maya culture that day that I can take back to my own, but I have so much I want to share with them as well.  Praying on how to do that as well.

For now, will you pray along with me and about supporting me so I can stay or that God will clearly show me what his plan is.  If you can give please shoot me an email at rcowart4@georgiasouthern.edu  =)

Cool thing, this is the scripture that Natalie had written in my letter for today:

"Lord, according to Your word, if I whole heartedly commit whatever I do to You, my plans will succeed.  Lord, I acknowledge that the heart of committing any plan to You is seeking Your plan.  Show me the right path, Father."

LOVE AND MISS YOU ALL!