Season of Silence

Back in May/June my sweet friend Alison sent me various podcasts to encourage me through the tough time of adjusting to life in Guatemala.  I listened too many of them but I didn't have time for them all.  Today I was going through some e-mails and found one that I had not listened to. It was from a guy named Dan Lian who is a preacher in Australia and was visiting Alison and Daniel’s church. First of all it was a GREAT message; second of all it was exactly what I needed to hear for right now in my life.  I'm sure if would have been great back in June as well, but it spoke more clearly to me now on the other side of the season I was in at the time.

He starts off telling the story of when Jesus and the disciples were in the boat and that storm struck, and all of the disciples were freaking out and wondering why Jesus was sleeping and not doing something.  If you are unfamiliar with this story it comes from Mark chapter 4 starting about verse 35.  My favorite thing that Jesus says is in verse 40. "Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?"
WO! This struck me big time! If you recall earlier posts, I almost went home the second day of being in Guatemala, then the third, fourth, fifth, and so on for the first month or so.  God was teaching me FAITH, I was scared every day, and so convinced that I had "misheard" what God wanted in my life. Keeping in mind that for the past 4 years all I wanted to do was move here and work at a Children’s Home.  I was living in fear and not in faith.

How does this apply to my life now? I have only 7 weeks left in Guatemala, and have no idea what is next. I feel as though I haven't heard anything from the Lord as to what’s next, that I have been living in this season of silence.  I have about 9384398 options and not the slightest clue in what direction to go.  I find myself dwelling on what’s next instead of what’s here. I’m fearful of the sadness that will come when I have to say goodbye to all of these precious faces that I have fallen so deeply in love with. There is the fear of not having money, and the fear of just not knowing which way to go.  HELLO! Have I learned nothing the past 6 months?! God has a plan!!  Anyway in the podcast Dan went on to say that in the story with Jesus, the disciples, and the boat, the whole time JESUS WAS IN THE BOAT. They could see him physically there, did they think he wasn’t going to do something? He’s in my boat He is in yours. Do we think he isn’t doing anything, just because it may be a season of silence, where we don’t see what He is doing in our lives?  He is here with you and me through EVERYTHING.  Where to go from here? It doesn't matter, Jesus is in my boat.  And even more so than that, God has been, is, and always will be in control.  We can't mess up on where to go because He is guiding, and He is not going to let go of us, ever. I don't know about you but there is such a peace and confidence that you gain from having FAITH, in his word that says "I will never leave you, nor forsake you".  Would I love to know what’s to come, ABSOLUTELY, would it mess up what God has for me now if I knew, ABSOLUTELY.  So once again I’m reminded how small my faith is and how big my God is.  Dan closes with this quote and I hope it helps you through whatever season you’re going through”
 "By His grace, for His glory, and for your good, and in His time, He will act.  In the mean time know He's doing something good anyway."



In other news, this past weekend all of the houseparent’s went on a retreat.  Great for them, sleepless for us! haha. 5 month old Marvin and I had a sleepover, it only took me one night of waking up almost hourly to realize that 1. I don't want babies; I want to start off with potty trained toddlers, and 2. I definitely could not do it alone! Night two I pulled in Shelly so we could switch off every time he cried; turns out you still don't sleep.  So now it’s back to my original plan of just starting off with toddlers. ;)  All in all it was such a fun weekend, and I was so grateful for the opportunity to help out even more.  Here are some of my favorite photos from the weekend:

Giving 3 year old Alejandro a bath, he LOVES them.

This was at about 3am when Marvin wouldn't sleep; I realized he just needed a face mask. I mean I can't sleep without one either buddy.

No Houseparent's? WATER FIGGGGHT.



Trusting

I could never really explain in words why I chose to be here for 6 months.  Other than I didn't, God did.  Each day it becomes more and more clear as to why He said that.  Many people tried to tell me that 6 months was too long, that I should just do the 3 months my school required and come home.  I believed it myself at times and almost took the shorter route. This has become "home".  Yes I miss familiar sounds, voices, and faces but life here is magical and wonderful.  I am exactly where I need to be.  If I had listened to those voices, I would be on a plane home right now instead of enjoying the sounds of children playing outside as I tell their stories.  I know I don't update much, but its because I "work" about 15 hours a day 6 (lately 7 days) a week.  It's not work, its pouring into the lives of these kids here as they pour back into mind.  I have relationships with these kids that I never thought possible, and I love them even more.  So as hard as it is to think of heading home in 8 weeks, its completely unimaginable to have to go home now.

But I might have to.  I still need $800 to stay.  Some pledges have fallen through because of the economy, and other reasons.  This internship has taught me more than I can put into words, but more importantly it has shown me a glimpse into my future.  I want more than anything to come back here and live.  I want to be a full time missionary, but I'm scared. I'm scared that I haven't even been able to raise the final $800 of the original $4,400, so how am I going to raise $20,000?  I know our God is big and he provides, but so many people say that and don't believe it themselves.  I believe it.  Jesus tells us directly in Mark 16:15 He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. So many read that and think yes thats true, for some but not for me. No its true for us all, and though some "can't" go, they can send.  I am so thankful for those of you who have supported me through prayer and finances.  I am here to ask you if their is something you can give up, so that I can stay and continue ministry here.  Not only now but quite possibly in the future.  I have no idea how that looks yet, but I know that my heart strings are being pulled in a way I have never experienced. 



If you can financially support me to stay, please send an e-mail to me at  rcowart4@georgiasouthern.edu


In other news, this past monday we had a total of 8 earthquakes in 13 hours. We were in McDonalds for the largest one (5.9), what an adventure that was! My nutrition teacher always said McDonalds could kill you. :)

Last week we had a small group here and they helped me with activities such as cookouts for the older boys, movie night for the older girls, and a movie/game day with the younger boys and girls.  Here are some photo's from our great times!!!

This is Josue, I tutor him in the afternoons. I have some great stories with that one :)

My two roomates (L) Dalila (R) Gladys.  We had a chicken night!

Sammy learning to make hamburgers at our cookout!

Just a typical Sunday bus ride to church. Always an adventure!

Some of our little ones having a movie and snack day!

This week the Wheelers (they are the directors of the home) came back!!! So glad, they have a awesome but tiring job!



I love and miss you all so much! Thanks for reading =)

I am so bad at keeping up with posts!!! Life has been really busy at the Children's home. We are short all of our missionaries ha ha.  It has been so wonderful though.  I feel as though I am really finding my spot here, and getting to know all of the kids well.  Every day I am so excited to see them, and I am truly thankful for that.

An update on our two little boys who's Uncle fought for in court. THEY ARE DOING GREAT!! Turns out the uncle built a house and bought land all in their name, and is sending the oldest to school and they are in a good family enviroment.  We even got to see them at church.  This is such a praise and blessing.  Especially after this weekend.

We have had a couple of emotionally draining weekends.  For the protection of our kids and ourselves I am unable to write about them.  Some of you may know and if you don't feel free to e-mail me for a prayer list! Just know a lot of our kids have a lot of emotional turmoil going on right now and desperately need prayers, for healing, and hope that with God they have a future. 

This past weekend we had a speaker named Rob Mitchell come speak to our home.  He is an author of a book about his life in an orphanage in the United States.  He wrote about how it was a good home to live in, but that no matter how poor he would of been he always wanted to go home.  Yesterday he asked our kids how many just want to go home despite their circumstances, majority raised their hands.  It was so tough to know that as happy and safe and provided for as our kids are, they still long for that mom&dad family.  I think it sparked a lot inside of them. I am so greatful that he was able to come, he was so encouraging to us as staff as well.  GO READ HIS BOOK!!! Cast Away Kid.

Here are some pictures of the past month!!!

 Alejandro playing outside =) He is so fun!

 Look at my fabulous view from my apartment ;)

 Anna was an intern last year, she came for a visit and we rode ina took took (motorcycle with a carraige) talk about scary...

 Here is recent photo of Marvin!!! He is growing FAST!!!

 We have had 2 birthdays this week above is Jenifer (19) and below Chiky (18)

 Taking advantage of the rain free days we have been having :) woo hoo!!

 I promised all of the kids "vaca negra's" (coke floats) if they finished their Christmas cards in 2 weeks. 35 out of 46 did it!!! Such a fun night!

Sheila and I enjoying the beautiful sun!

Those are a few photos from activities we have been having! I will update more this week (I hope!) Meanwhile if you could pray for safety with the upcoming elections this week, sometimes things get a little crazy.  For continued health and safety at our home with the other missionaries away. And last but not least that the Lord will provide the final $800.00 needed for me to stay.

I love and miss you all!!! E-mail me if you have any prayer requests or just want to talk :)

rcowart4@georgiasouthern.edu